Well, I only got to listen to one book on CD on my drive to Utah, but it was well worth it.
Read it =)
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Independence
I quickly realized today after I moved into my new house that I was, once again, on my own--independent, if you will. And suddenly I was flooded with a wave of emotions. Good and bad.
When you're six-years-old, independence means eating ice cream whenever you want, going to your friends whenever you want, and, basically, doing whatever you want. Then as you grow up, you start learning about responsibility, the importance of money to survive, and jobs. Suddenly, independence starts having consequences. And maybe when you're fourteen or fifteen, you could care less about the consequences as long as you get the freedom. But someday it catches up to you. It has definitely caught up with me.
Like most eighteen-year-olds, I went away to college and experienced my first taste of true freedom: living away from my parents, buying my own groceries, cleaning my own place, getting where I needed to go without daily reminders, etc. It was everything I had dreamed about.
And then I got homesick.
I never planned on that, but as I returned home that Christmas, it was like a piece of heaven. I only needed to see my family, my house, my bedroom, and my bed one more time to be okay with my new freedom once again. And as I returned each year to BYU, I loved my independence as an "adult." I craved, thrived, and enjoyed the freedom that being a student brought me.
Which brings me to the present. As a recent graduate, I have been living under my parent's roof again for the past four months, and now I have my independence "back." I'm on my own. I go to my new ward tomorrow. I start my new job on Monday. I have roommates again. I bought my own food today. I decide what I'm doing every day. I'm a real adult once again, experiencing life without school.
So, this is what independence feels like again.
For some reason, it's no how I remembered it. It's different. Lonely, even. Not at all how I pictured my new chapter of life. Where was the sensation of freedom? Where was the yearning for adventure in my new city?
When I went to the grocery store today to buy some of the basics, I walked up and down the aisles and thought, What are you doing??? This was not the independence I'd been seeking for the past four months: solitude, shopping for one, a quiet, unfamiliar house to come home to. I realized I missed my family, missed my bedroom at home, missed my old roommates, even missed Provo, which I never thought I'd miss. But it's a lot more familiar than here. Funny, but it's like I did a complete 360 and I'm a freshman again, homesick. This time, I don't even have a familiar face to turn to, or the excuse of living on my own for the first time.
Yes--I'm feeling sorry for myself. But writing about this is therapeutic in some ways. Honestly, it's just change--something everyone has to go through. Even if we choose the change like I did by accepting the job, moving to Utah, and renting a room in this house, it can still be so, so hard. And right now it's a little tough. I've never been completely on my own like this because I've always had someone I knew living with me as well. So as much as I like having my own bedroom, I keep my door opened, hoping one of my new roommates will notice and say hi. And I take my time unpacking, hoping it will keep my thoughts occupied for a few hours longer.
Independence is good, even when it's lonely and a little frightening. And it can have many different feelings and flavors, as I'm quickly realizing. This is a new experience that I know will only make be stronger. And how can I doubt a moment of it when I know Heavenly Father led me here every step of the way? It may feel like I'm on my own, but I'm not. Not really.
So as I unpack one box after another, I keep reminding myself that I'm doing the right thing. That this change may be more difficult than I anticipated, but that it's good change.
And if that doesn't work, I remind myself that I have a carton of ice cream in the freezer that I can eat whenever I want.
When you're six-years-old, independence means eating ice cream whenever you want, going to your friends whenever you want, and, basically, doing whatever you want. Then as you grow up, you start learning about responsibility, the importance of money to survive, and jobs. Suddenly, independence starts having consequences. And maybe when you're fourteen or fifteen, you could care less about the consequences as long as you get the freedom. But someday it catches up to you. It has definitely caught up with me.
Like most eighteen-year-olds, I went away to college and experienced my first taste of true freedom: living away from my parents, buying my own groceries, cleaning my own place, getting where I needed to go without daily reminders, etc. It was everything I had dreamed about.
And then I got homesick.
I never planned on that, but as I returned home that Christmas, it was like a piece of heaven. I only needed to see my family, my house, my bedroom, and my bed one more time to be okay with my new freedom once again. And as I returned each year to BYU, I loved my independence as an "adult." I craved, thrived, and enjoyed the freedom that being a student brought me.
Which brings me to the present. As a recent graduate, I have been living under my parent's roof again for the past four months, and now I have my independence "back." I'm on my own. I go to my new ward tomorrow. I start my new job on Monday. I have roommates again. I bought my own food today. I decide what I'm doing every day. I'm a real adult once again, experiencing life without school.
So, this is what independence feels like again.
For some reason, it's no how I remembered it. It's different. Lonely, even. Not at all how I pictured my new chapter of life. Where was the sensation of freedom? Where was the yearning for adventure in my new city?
When I went to the grocery store today to buy some of the basics, I walked up and down the aisles and thought, What are you doing??? This was not the independence I'd been seeking for the past four months: solitude, shopping for one, a quiet, unfamiliar house to come home to. I realized I missed my family, missed my bedroom at home, missed my old roommates, even missed Provo, which I never thought I'd miss. But it's a lot more familiar than here. Funny, but it's like I did a complete 360 and I'm a freshman again, homesick. This time, I don't even have a familiar face to turn to, or the excuse of living on my own for the first time.
Yes--I'm feeling sorry for myself. But writing about this is therapeutic in some ways. Honestly, it's just change--something everyone has to go through. Even if we choose the change like I did by accepting the job, moving to Utah, and renting a room in this house, it can still be so, so hard. And right now it's a little tough. I've never been completely on my own like this because I've always had someone I knew living with me as well. So as much as I like having my own bedroom, I keep my door opened, hoping one of my new roommates will notice and say hi. And I take my time unpacking, hoping it will keep my thoughts occupied for a few hours longer.
Independence is good, even when it's lonely and a little frightening. And it can have many different feelings and flavors, as I'm quickly realizing. This is a new experience that I know will only make be stronger. And how can I doubt a moment of it when I know Heavenly Father led me here every step of the way? It may feel like I'm on my own, but I'm not. Not really.
So as I unpack one box after another, I keep reminding myself that I'm doing the right thing. That this change may be more difficult than I anticipated, but that it's good change.
And if that doesn't work, I remind myself that I have a carton of ice cream in the freezer that I can eat whenever I want.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Recovering Charles
Wow. I just finished reading Recovering Charles by Jason F. Wright, a powerful novel about a young man trying to find his missing father after hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. Everything about it was amazing and powerful--the story, the writing, the details and research that went into it. From the beginning, the story sucks you in as you learn more about Luke and his relationship with his dad from the past to the present. It's a book about forgiveness, hope, healing, and the importance of relationships. It's probably one of the most inspiring books I've read in a long, long time, and I learned more about Hurricane Katrina and the effect it really had on individual lives.Honestly, I'm usually not interested in adult novels, but when my mom recommended it, I decided to give it a try. I recognized the author's name as well, as he wrote The Wednesday Letters and Christmas Jars (he's LDS, but this book is not LDS fiction). Well, the novel was far beyond my expectation and I would recommend it to ANYONE--even my 15-year-old sister could probably gain something from reading it. So if you're looking for a good read, READ RECOVERING CHARLES. If the writing itself doesn't pull you in, the story definitely will.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
My New Place
My mom, sister, and I took a last-minute trip to Utah a week ago to do some apartment hunting. And after only looking at three places, I found a place to live. Ironically, it's completely opposite of what I had imagined for myself, but it felt right, so I went ahead and paid my deposit.
So, from the outside it looks huge, and, honestly, it's pretty big inside as well, but let me explain why...
Ta-da!!!
So, from the outside it looks huge, and, honestly, it's pretty big inside as well, but let me explain why...
7 girls--yes, 7!--live there, including me
It has 3 levels, including a basement
There are 2 kitchens
7 bedrooms
5 bathrooms
3 washers and dryers
2 fridges/ 3 freezers and
2 living rooms
It has 3 levels, including a basement
There are 2 kitchens
7 bedrooms
5 bathrooms
3 washers and dryers
2 fridges/ 3 freezers and
2 living rooms
(Yep, told you it was big.) Anyway, the house is really a duplex that one of my roommate's dad built and turned into housing for his daughter and 6 other girls. All 7 of us live on one side of the duplex, and the other side is owned by someone else. When I first heard about this place, I wasn't too sure, but after finding out that I could have my own bedroom, a walk-in closet, share a bathroom with only 1 other girl, and feel like I live in a house instead of an apartment for a really good price, I was sold. Plus, it's really close to work (it's in the Holladay/Murray area of South SLC, so only 15 min to work) and is apart of a great single's ward. What more can I ask for?
I drive down to Utah for the final time on Friday and move in on Saturday. I'm pretty excited to finally start work and have a normal routine again. This summer has been great, but I guess I'm ready to move on once more. I'm also excited to meet my new roommates (I've only met 2) and make some new friends. 6 other girls still feels overwhelming at times, but I'm sure it'll be fine in the end. Luckily, most of them are about my age and going through similar stages of life. And I'm so excited to have a chick flick night again! It's been WAY too long.
I drive down to Utah for the final time on Friday and move in on Saturday. I'm pretty excited to finally start work and have a normal routine again. This summer has been great, but I guess I'm ready to move on once more. I'm also excited to meet my new roommates (I've only met 2) and make some new friends. 6 other girls still feels overwhelming at times, but I'm sure it'll be fine in the end. Luckily, most of them are about my age and going through similar stages of life. And I'm so excited to have a chick flick night again! It's been WAY too long.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)